The Chicken Is Back

So I've been on vacation from my job this week and I decided there would be no better time to fire up this blog again.  A few years have past and I've got a few more things on my mind that need to be blogged.  Perhaps some of the old favorites would like to give a crack at writing for the Chicken again.  Having nine kids and a minivan is no excuse to abstain.  Dan let the domain expire (which conveniently happened shortly before I decided to get back into this.)  So $90.00 later and a few hours of reconfiguring some DNS stuff, we are back online.  If a $90.00 sunk cost isn't enough to get you guys writing again, then what is?  Stay tuned for my article on the Jamaican media.

What Happens When You Do Not Label DVDs

I will tell you what happens. This all went down about two hours ago. Before I start, I am nominating myself for the classiest guy of the year award.

I am currently on vacation, visiting my parents in Canada. So after dinner, my mom, dad and my cousin Zac sat down in the living room to watch the Flames game on TV. In between the second and third period, I wanted to show off to Zac how badass my dad's sound system in the living room was. Of course, my dad had no qualms about this. So here is where my bootlegged copy of Ghostrider is about to come in handy. DVD quality and all. I run up to my room, pull this unlabled TDK DVD-R out of my back pack, bring it back downstairs, and throw it into the DVD player as we all anxiously await the insane THX 7.1 sound that is about to be unleased in the living room.

The only problem is that it was a copy of some nasty lesbian porno movie that I downloaded from the internet (and obviously burned onto a similar looking DVD.) Done and done. I just won the award.

The SFChicken Law Firm?

I noticed this sign for this place on the highway while I was in Portland the other day:



I figure if anyone on SFChicken got into legal trouble, they would want a savage lawyer to take their case.

Chicken Police

Will you be eating your groceries in the store today?

I haven't had a chicken-worthy experience in a while, but I have to throw this one out there.



I go play pick-up hockey on some Fridays and I park in a Whole Foods that's next to the rink. To get my parking validated, I have to buy something in Whole Foods, which I wouldn't normally do. Typically, I pick up a couple of salads and a quart or two of juice.

Until very recently, the cashiers at Whole Foods had dutifully rung me up and bagged my groceries. But the last couple of time I've been there, the cashier has asked me: "Will you be eating this here today?"

I never quite understand, and I feel like I'm 'The Champ': "So I says 'pardon?'"

And they basically ask me again if I will be eating my purchases in the store. Now I know I'm not a small man, and I know that I can eat an Extra-Large pizza and drink a gallon of juice without getting full, but what are the odds that I'm going to sit down eat all of my groceries in the store? If I had a half of a take-out sandwich, their question might make sense. But I've got groceries.

So what are they doing? Are they trying to reduce the number of bags they give out by one? Because they're losing that war on the thousands of other people they double-bag a box of cookies for. With all of their plastic packaging and massive parking lots, Whole Foods is the last place that's really doing anything good for the environment. Maybe the cashiers (all female) think a guy really is going to eat all of his groceries in one sitting. I don't know. But I really wish they'd just throw my groceries in a bag and shut the hell up like they do with every other customer.

When did Guns 'n Roses become classic rock?

I was at a punk show last week. (The Epitaph tour, if anyone cares.) The band in discussion is called Escape the Fate. For starters, I should point out that this was an 'all ages' show. I used to go to all ages shows when I was 15. I am now almost 30. It really never occurred to me before I got there that the average age in the place might be 15. What made it bearable was good music and a decent bar with no one in line. Anywho, at one point during the evening I decided to ask these two girls standing next to me how old they were. They both told me they were 18 (probably being liberal on their lie.) One made the addition that she felt old in there. Obviously I pointed out that I was 29 and my friend was 32 and thus he could have been her dad (I do have a friend that has a 14 year old who is also 29 - this is a whole other story.)

As you all may or may not know, every respectable punk band has to have a cover song that is all punked out. These used to be songs like "Surfin' USA" (Pennywise), "Brown Eyed Girl" (Lagwagon), "Go Your Own Way" (NOFX), etc. Well Escape the Fate makes the following announcement: this song is for your mommys and daddys. They proceed to play "Take Me Down to the Paradise City" by G'nR. When did Guns 'n Roses become classic rock? I don't know. I should also point out that the oldest member in Escape the Fate was 21 tops.

Moderately Hot Chicks turning to Nerdy, Rich Engineers in desperation

I found this article in my local newspaper:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/14/MNGEVO4DQH1.DTL&hw=guynn&sn=002&sc=832

It was supposed to be about how Silicon Valley executives (who are 95% male) often find themselves 40, single and in need of a makeover and someone to hook them up with some available ladies from San Francisco. This is not surprising since: "[there isn't] a single drinking establishment between Palo Alto and San Jose that serves up a better ratio of men to women than Anchorage, Alaska." Many of us know this to be true, and would add that the women in these establishments are either 1) secretaries; or 2) over-40 with kids.

Only problem - the article ends up only talking about one dude (a 44-year-old guy who has gone out with "several dozen" women through a dating service) and a whole bunch of women. Specifically, the woman who runs the dating service gave up on trying to meet rich guys in San Francisco and "cast a wider net" to meet rich guys elsewhere. And here's the guy she met:



Here's another photo of the girl:



Now she's not super hot, but still either he's got a huge donger or a lot of money. And she has clearly gotten desperate - remember, this is how the dude looks eight months after she met him and set out to completely change him so that she isn't embarrassed in front of her friends. He may even have a sweating problem, we don't know.

But what we do know is that there are some girls out there who actually realized that they're not going to get anywhere going after some dirtbag (like our mayor). Now that is surprising!